


The fear of loss

by Hopeful_Foolx



Series: Whumptober 2020 [2]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Day 2 - in the hands of the enemy, Drugged Kepler, Hurt/Comfort, I'm not done hurting Kepler guys, Kidnapped, M/M, Mission Gone Wrong, Slightly unreliable narrator, Though the Kepcobi is implied, Whump, Whumptober 2020, they are soft and I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26731636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopeful_Foolx/pseuds/Hopeful_Foolx
Summary: A mission goes wrong and leaves Kepler captured. Three chapters, three parts of one story.
Relationships: Daniel Jacobi & Alana Maxwell, Daniel Jacobi & Warren Kepler, Daniel Jacobi & Warren Kepler & Alana Maxwell, Daniel Jacobi/Warren Kepler
Series: Whumptober 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945483
Kudos: 16
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	1. In the hands of the enemy

The moment Alana suddenly laughs is the one Jacobi feels like they can hope again. It’s not a complete disaster yet - after all, technically they completed the mission, technically they have all they need. But in reality, they are only two where three should be. 

“What is it?” He leans over to her, throwing an arm around her shoulders and she leans in. They are less suspicious as a couple, they decided, and they still don’t know if Litech sent people after them, or if they put their luck on Kepler. It’s a possibility, one with a high chance even. After all, both of them heard him scream. The comms had worked until they were out of the building, and while Jacobi knows that Kepler is not above screaming - it helps, really does - it still is something he doesn’t fancy hearing again. It tells him something about their target, the man in charge of Litech, it tells him a lot, actually. How he’ll die, for one, but much more important, that he is impatient. They asked Kepler one time and whatever they did next, made him scream. Actually scream. They want the information, and they want it fast, which means two things: First, there is a chance he’ll make a mistake. Not a high one, given that they were caught without even knowing what their mistake had been. Second, if he doesn’t get what he wants, he’ll resort to even more brutal ways of violence than he already has. Litech has an impressive database of toxins in its system, and he only recognizes half of them as explosives, a few as neurotoxins. None of it calms him. What does the job is Alana’s grin, because it means she found something they can use. 

“Can we get to the rooftop?” she asks and her eyes glint dangerously, “I need access to the ventilation system, it’ll connect to all the upper floors” The upper floors is where they keep Kepler. He looks around the coffeeshop they resorted to, two blocks away, small enough for few open spaces. It’s not helpful, but they needed to hide and it had no cameras. 

“We can” he mumbles while he is not sure yet how. But it can’t be an obstacle, so they will find a way. It’s the only truth he’ll accept. They can’t use the confusion a fire alarm would cause - it wouldn’t fool the people they want to fool, and would make throwing a gas grenade into the ventilation system rather useless. They just have to make sure that they’ll make it to the rooftop. Not even undisturbed, as long as they stay under it. But no, that is already too much. No attention.  
“If you hack the elevators, we can make one take us to the top” he suggests, “only two stories to go. If they realize that one of them went without stopping, they still need to mobilize. We’d have about one minute thirty” 

“Two minutes” Alana adds and checks the clock, showing him the time, “they do have construction work up there. The workers will leave for lunch, we could strike then. Less suspicious, and when they find out, they’ll already have it in their systems” It means they’ll be on a tight schedule now, tighter than Jacobi would like but just enough to be actually thrilling. They don’t do impossible. 

“Are two cans enough?” She nods and squeezes his hand, shuts her laptop with her free hand. He only has two in his backpack, special Goddard Design, special Goddard Formula. Enters through the eyes, not nose and mouth, so an improvised mask will be useless. He backs away just enough so she can gather her things.

“It’ll knock the Colonel out too” 

“There is a black spot in their camera-system, and it’s grey in the floorplan as well” she shrugs on her coat and adjusts her thick fake glasses, places goggles in her pocket, “If I’m right, they’ll have a safe room there. It would be my best guess for Kepler’s stay” She holds his arm before they leave, “Out comms will be in reach again” She explains and he knows exactly what she wants to imply. They’ll be in range - and they’ll likely hear Kepler again. Or nothing at all, which would be worse. 

“I know. Just…” he shakes his head. They only made it out because the Colonel stayed back, “ _Run, get out_ now _”_ and they ran like they were supposed to. Asked to? He shakes his head.  
“I know. We’ll just… get in, don’t get captured too. The info?” 

“Samples and notes are already on the Goddard Server, and nobody summoned us back immediately. It’s grey enough to have space to act in. 

They get out of the shop undisturbed - after all, they are just tourists, right? 

  
  


Jacobi contemplated what would be worse. Absolute silence or hearing Kepler scream, but there is a middle way and that middle way is hearing his wheezing breath through the comms when they enter the building again. He is honestly surprised that they didn’t find it, but maybe they left it there on purpose, and finding it sewn into his lapels would be harder, he guesses. Especially since… Well. Especially since they are impatient. He keeps all of his fate into that word, because they haven’t killed him yet. They are impatient and still keep him alive. It’s a trap. One Jacobi thinks about and knows will be there, one Alana considers when she gets them on the elevator, one he thinks about when they go upwards and that distracts him from what he hears. Alana hears it too.  
  
“Five minutes” he mumbles through the line, not sure if the Colonel even hears him, because the cough he gets in response could be mistaken for an answer. Someone talks in the background and he mutes his Comms again. Alana nods and they exchange a look when they arrive upstairs.  
  


“Five minutes, Colonel” she agrees and mutes it too. They don’t talk more afterwards.


	2. Where do you think you're going?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting Kepler out of the building - day 5. Rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My notes for this chapter were just 'Kepler accidently has one feeling and immeadiately dies' xD Metaphorically, of course

The room that has Kepler in it is a windowless cubicle. The lights on the ceiling are unforgivable and burn into Jacobi’s eyes even with the safety goggles on, the only other furniture is a chair and a camera. It’s a setup, he thinks, even if they didn’t know someone was coming, they prepared for it, and he is even more glad to have only seen unconscious bodies in the hallways. The door has no number, a security pad Alana breaks in a few seconds. The heat signature revealed only one person, slumped over, and another prisoner is unlikely. It leaves only Kepler. The chair is screwed to the floor, Kepler’s legs bound to it, wrists with cable ties left and right, another set around the forearms. Jacobi assesses the damage while Maxwell cuts him loose, and it’s concerning, to say the least. He is not reacting to them entering, doesn’t stir when Alana cuts the ties. His wrists are bloody, the skin torn, but he has a pulse, too fast, but there. Not good, but he is alive. That counts, even when nothing else does, not even the clamminess of his skin or how shallow he breathes. They got here in time. 

  
“Colonel?” he asks and puts a hand to his cheek, blood on his temple, dried there. Bullet wound in his leg, bleeding freely, shot clean through. His trouser-leg is thankfully black, but there is an amount of blood on the floor he does not want to think about too much.

“Doc?” Maxwell just nods, they don’t have enough time to properly bandage that, but losing the colonel is unacceptable, so makeshift it is. He leaves her to it and taps Kepler’s face until his eyelids flutter open, just to immediately close again. 

“What are you doing here?” He slurs and fights to keep his eyes open. 

“Nice to see you too. Sorry it took so long” Jacobi grins and tries to catch his eye so he is at least distracted

“Did you lose your watch, Mr. Jacobi?” he asks through gritted and bloody teeth.

“Nope, all here” he taps his wrist and earns a slim grin, which quickly dissolves when Maxwell ties the bandage around his leg tightly, and only Jacobi’s quick hand over his mouth keeps him from screaming. For a moment he is limp in front of him, leaning against Daniel with his full weight and panting into his shoulder when he lets go. He is sure he passed out for a moment. They’ll need to change plans if that is the case, he is not sure if he can get him downstairs alone. He exchanges a look with Maxwell.

“Sorry” she apologizes but for what he is not sure, “I’ll check the hallway”. That’s why working with her is the best, a look is all they need. Jacobi hooks his arm around Kepler’s back, careful to not step into the puddle on the floor - the last thing he wants is to leave bloody footprints all over the place. He stirs at that and lifts his head

“Mission?” he pants, his eyes being squeezed shut still and breathing heavy. He doesn’t even complain about still being held upright by Jacobi, or when the same slips the safety goggles over his eyes. 

“Done” Maxwell provides and then only looks at Jacobi “Can you make it? I’ll get the car” Jacobi nods and adjusts his grip, giving the Colonel five seconds to brace himself before he gets him up. It’s not pretty, and Jacobi finds himself wondering about his philosophy of screaming again. Anything to get you through the pain, he had said. Anything to help you with it to keep you alive and from talking.

“We’ll meet Doc downstairs, back entrance” he explains and Kepler tries to support himself more, though he carefully hobbles next to him. Jacobi is grateful for that, he only has to get him to the hacked elevator and then downstairs, luckily, but Maxwell still has to take the other way to bring the car. Even with the chaos they have created and everyone in here still out, they can’t take more risks. Walking through the lobby with a bloodsoaked Kepler - risky. 

It’s their best chance, but it leaves him alone with Kepler, who is not steady on his feet or even really conscious. The Colonel doesn’t answer, but mumbles something about the mission and then,

“Done… Good, that’s… good-” with that, he takes a step forward, groans and just goes limp next to him. Jacobi doesn’t even have time to curse, all his effort going into not letting him fall, not-    
He sets him down on the floor, checking pulse first, goggles second.    
  
“Colonel, come on” He tips his head up, but his eyes stay stubbornly closed. They are shadowed and a nasty bruise has formed above one of them, “Wake up, Colonel” he shakes his shoulder and resorts to tapping his cheek again. Clammy, wet with sweat, the bandage is already soaked. He’ll be lucky if that doesn’t get infected. If the loss of blood doesn’t kill him first.

“Hm?” 

“I need you to work with me. Doc’s bringing the car around, but we have to get there. Stay with me, alright?” It takes a few seconds, then his grip on Jacobi’s hand goes tight again. He squeezes his eyes shut and his mouth is just a thin line, but he doesn’t go down when Jacobi pulls him up. He leans on him and they make it to the elevators and inside, before he speaks again. His voice is hoarse, rough from screaming and pain, blood loss and relying on help. Though maybe his pride lets him experience that a little lighter now. 

“Did I… Did I ever tell you about that time…” he swallows and Jacobi knows that he is trying to keep himself from passing out once more at this point, “I…”   
  
“How about that time  _ I  _ dragged _ you  _ out of a building?” He proposes and pushes the button for the garage. The doors close but he doesn’t set Kepler down. Chances are too high he won’t rouse him again.    
  
“What?” He sounds actually confused by it and hisses in pain when he turns his head to look at Jacobi, his face a mask of real confusion. But if that keeps him awake, he’ll go with it. 

“I mean, right now. Makes a good story, eh?” He adjusts his grip again and realizes that no matter what adrenaline says, he’ll be glad to set him down anywhere. Kepler is a grown man and even if he is not even taller than Jacobi himself, he couldn’t carry him. This is hard enough. 

“No… No, who would I tell about that?” he mumbles back and Jacobi grins, 

“I don’t know, other agents?” 

“You’re my  _ only _ agents” That’s not true. There are other teams, even if Kepler does prefer Jacobi and Maxwell for nearly everything. He has other agents, he just rarely takes missions  _ with _ them.

“Okay, then, continue?” He presses the button on the elevator again out of impatience, silently praying they missed nobody with the knockout gas. He still has his gun, that is not it, but he wouldn’t trust his aim the one hundred percent he wants to with Kepler like this. He still wants to blow the place up, and knows he might even get to do that. He’s read the schematics, he knows where the main posts are. Still, their escape has the higher priority. 

“With what?” 

“You wanted to tell a story” He reminds him and looks to the green numbers on the side - three stories remaining. 

“Oh… Yes, you’re dragging me out of a building” 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re already on the good drugs, Sir” Kepler’s laugh sounds drunken and Jacobi winces when he thinks about it. For all his bravado, Kepler can’t with pain medication. They leave him loopy, confused, stuck in memories even. Jacobi already knows where he will spend the night later. If it is this night. It doesn’t really bother him. 

“It’s not that bad” he finally manages to say, leaning his head against Jacobi’s shoulder and for the first time he seems to be somewhat coherent, for whatever reason. 

“You got shot, concussed, tortured...” Jacobi mentally keeps the list going, though he knows what he means. The mission was, technically, a success. And that they had the time window to get Kepler out is only underlined by how they didn’t immediately get ordered back to Canaveral. 

“Could be worse. Not… poisoned this time” Jacobi snorts and tries very hard not to think about the time Kepler  _ did  _ get poisoned and tried to take out Jacobi and Maxwell. Not fun times, though Alana managed to knock him out in the quick second after the noise of the gunshot that hit Jacobi in the guts seemed to bring him to his senses for a moment. 

“If that’s your standard for worse, I am not even surprised you don’t think this is bad” 

  
“It’s not, you’re both alright” he mumbles and sighs. Jacobi chooses to not answer that. They don’t have time for sentimentality and he is positive Kepler won’t appreciate it if he remembers that later. He is saved by the metaphorical bell, when they finally arrive downstairs.   
  
“Here we are” He mumbles and tightens his grip around his gun, as well as around Kepler, before the doors open with a ping. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up? Aftermath. Of course, it's not that easy...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 22 - Drugged (Or: Kepler and pain meds is a bad combination, ask Jacobi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly s o f t

With debriefing and getting the tech to the lab downstairs it’s almost two hours until Jacobi makes it back to medical. He is not too late yet, but he needs to be there. It’s not his first mission with Kepler to go awry, and he knows exactly why he needs to be here now. That’s the good thing about Goddard - they are secret to the outside, but not here. It’s a murderous one, but some sort of family still.

“He woke up briefly, demanded to leave and passed out while trying” a  _ Doctor Daniels _ informs him with raised eyebrows and leaning against a table when he walks in. 

“How is he?” 

“Broken ribs, broken collar bone, Concussion and blood loss. Since the bullet passed through, he’ll be on antibiotics for a few days, just to make sure. He’ll be fine in a month, knowing him. We’re waiting for the narcotics to let him wake up, but he’ll get some strong medication afterwards, to prevent infection” It’s Daniel’s cue. They only exchange a look at this point, because Kepler on strong medication means Jacobi stays the night too. They established that long ago and the same way they never talk about the anniversary of Jacobi’s screw up and how Kepler is seemingly there every single time by coincidence, they don’t talk about this either. Jacobi stays and calms him down, they are a set like that. Usually not in the context of work, but infirmary hardly counts, right? And it’s not like it’s pretty, not like he enjoys it. It’s just that it’s better Jacobi does it instead of some medical person. 

Jacobi rarely sees Kepler looking this tired. He’s asleep after the surgery, leg slightly elevated under the blanket and his right arm in a sling. They stitched up his head and white gauze is taped over the whole of his temple. It’ll hurt like a bitch and he’ll complain about it in the background for the next month - at least to Daniel, but he’ll be okay. And Jacobi will start to believe that as soon as he gets some color back in his face. He settles down to wait, puts his headphones in for now. He’ll get something to read for later, but they are still mostly alright.

Maxwell comes in an hour later, wearing sweatpants and a Goddard shirt and bringing fresh coffee. Good coffee. 

“News?” She asks and sits down too. He switches off his music and takes a sip before answering. 

“Broken ribs, broken collar bone, blood loss from the bullet wound and concussion” He repeats and Maxwell shakes her head but grins. 

“I got the tapes, you know. He talked about Scotch for about an hour before they shot him, then he listed the most creative ways to kill them” Sounds like Kepler, Jacobi decides.

“Oh, he’ll be disappointed by how uncreative we were then” Maxwell chuckles. 

“I am” His head snaps to the side when Kepler speaks. It’s weak and lacks his usual sharpness, but he is awake and Jacobi feels a little lighter with that, 

“Planned something then?” Maxwell leans forward too, hands folded, when Kepler blinks at them. Half eyes open, one of them more so than the other. 

“Sorry Sir, there is not much left to be creative with - they had an unfortunate accident with the illegal testing devices in the upper floors” Jacobi says with his most innocent face. 

“Creative enough for me” He sighs, “but next time leave someone alive for target practice” His laugh turns into a pained cough and Jacobi leans closer, frowning. 

  
“How are you doing, Sir?” Maxwell is next to him with a similar expression. He half expects Kepler to answer with a threat. 

“Like they put me on the good painkillers” He is not, or not yet. If he was, he would be much less lucid. It’s the reason Jacobi stays here, the medical staff is good and all, but he saw Kepler this way after patching him up on a mission and he knows how much he hates being seen as weak or incapable of anything. He is surprised he isn’t trying to get up because Maxwell is here - while, considering that she patched him up in the car, maybe not. 

“They did, don’t worry” She grins.   
  
“How long?”    
  
“Few hours since we arrived, and you’ll be out of active for a month” He should say it’s more time, because that would be the sensible thing to do, but he doesn’t and that’s how the SI 5 works. 

“Ha! Two weeks” 

  
  


It’s only much later, after Alana has left, that he gets another coffee. It’s not that he doesn’t trust her - he does, with his life and all that he is, and Kepler does so too, but the first time Jacobi stayed through this, he nearly got a knife in his chest. Kepler only wakes up again two hours after getting all sense drugged out of him, Daniel submerged in his newspaper and only slowly surfacing when he hears his breathing pick up. 

“Jacobi?”    
  
“Here” Kepler blinks, his eyes searching over his face. He puts the newspaper aside and leans forward to make it easier.    
“Are you okay?”    
  
“What time is it?” He feels around the bedsheets, “Where is my watch?” He wants to roll his eyes. If he didn’t know better, Kepler could belong in a number of places - in front of a typewriter, likely, with all his stories, with his old-fashioned watch and books he doesn’t read. Maybe one day, he could just be an author and write the death scenes very accurate then, it would work wonders, probably.    
  
“Half past one in the morning, and they took it off. It’s right here” he grabs it off the nightstand and passes it over. 

“I don’t remember…” 

“You weren’t exactly conscious for that, Sir” He frowns at Jacobi’s words, “Do you remember the mission?” The frown gets deeper - He remembers something, but isn’t sure, “you got captured, Maxwell and I got you out” No frown, but an eye roll.   
  
“Your personal feelings-” Jacobi chuckles,   
  
“They didn’t. We completed the mission, or, you did, really. We sent the data off and then went back to get you” He hears the quiet ‘oh’ and grins, but the next thing he does is to catch Kepler’s hand when he tries to pick at his IV-Line, “That has to stay in”   
  
“When did we get here?”    
  
“About six hours ago, but you were out for most of it, with surgery and all. They’ll take you off the heavy stuff tomorrow, when they are sure you’re not immediately developing an infection” He is faster than Kepler’s question, “Bullet to your leg” They stay quiet after that. Even as he doesn’t push Jacobi’s hand away, he still tries to pick at his IV-line or bandages with unsteady motions, and Jacobi keeps prying his hands loose from it. The last time, however, he is too slow and Kepler hisses in pain when the motion upsets his collar bone. It seems to cut through for a moment and Jacobi smiles when his face is only exhausted, not just a mask of confusion for a second and he grabs his hand tighter.   
“Hello there. Do you need anything?” 

“Don’t go” He rasps out. Not as clear as he thought then. 

“I wasn’t planning to” He presses a kiss to their intertwined hands. Kepler just stares at him before his eyelids lower and finally close, and he falls asleep again. Jacobi doesn’t move away. He needs to rest, and frankly, so does Jacobi. But he is not leaving and especially not now, when he actually asked him to stay. 

It’sfour or five in the morning when he wakes again, though much less gentle than before. By the time Jacobi has nodded off despite trying so hard not to, and it takes his sleep-muddled mind a moment to catch up to the frantic movement and mumbling next to him. 

“Let me, let me-” He should have expected it, he thinks when he gets up and puts a hand on his shoulderblade to keep him still. It’s not the events from before, but something else - something much older that he never dared to ask about. A secret, maybe, or maybe not, but it’s none of his business anyway. 

“Kepler, come on, wake up” He tries and still presses down when Kepler struggles to get away from him, to no avail. He is careful as to not hurt him further, but he still holds him tight. 

“Let me go, you- Don’t go there, no, just listen-” His face is wet with sweat and he can see a red spot on the bandage on his temple. 

“Kepler, wake up!” He tries again and maybe it’s his voice or maybe it’s the pain of moving his injured arm that wakes him, but his eyes fly open still.

“No!” He can’t sit upright with Jacobi pressing him to the mattress and still struggles for a moment, and while he doesn't relax, he doesn't fight.

“You’re safe, you’re with Goddard, it’s okay” He doesn’t answer, his eyes dart around in a feverish confusion and Jacobi takes one hand away to put it on his neck to make him look at him, “Kepler, it’s alright. It’s all alright, you’re in medical, you’re with me, with Jacobi, the SI-5, you’re safe here” He still pants and looks away, stares in the direction of the door and Jacobi slowly lets go and looks him over. His hair is sticking up in all directions, even short as it is, and breathing like this must hurt, but it’s getting slower. Regaining control.    
“It’s okay. SI-5, medical. You got shot on the mission, you’re confused, but you will be okay” 

“Painkillers?” It’s more a statement than a question. 

“Jup” He pops the  _ p _

“I hate them, I really… really-” He starts and Jacobi schoffs. He really hates painkillers, no kidding. 

“I know. But you’re almost through the night. Almost through it” He interrupts and pulls the blanket straight. He hasn’t bled through his bandaged leg or the gauze on his head, which is good. He has stopped moving but his eyes keep darting around the room.    
  
“Doesn’t feel that way”    
  
“I know, but it’s better than an infection. Go back to sleep, alright? I’ll stay here” He reaches out and pulls back, and then reaches out again to put the back of his fingers against his forehead. It’s warm, warmer than it should be, but not hot. He doesn’t need to call anyone.    
  
“It’s always the same, the same dream and-” Jacobi nearly doesn’t stop him in time.

“Shh… Don’t say it. You’ll hate yourself if you tell me now, and you’ll regret it” He won’t take advantage of it. He knows full well Kepler would, most likely, and he knows he could. Still, he won’t. Warren Kepler is a secret to be cracked, and he will do it, one day. Crack him completely and know. Just not this way. Not weak and too drugged to think a clear sentence, he wants him to tell that story when he wants to, when he decides to, and if that is never - then so be it.    
  
“I don’t deserve you” He closes his eyes and Jacobi strokes the hair out of his forehead. It’s a too gentle gesture for them. He wishes he could do it more often, and while they are gentle with each other, this is a position Kepler rarely lets himself be put in. 

“Nobody deserves me, come on” He thinks him asleep after that and stays sitting, when suddenly, he turns his head and sighs. 

“I can’t believe you stayed?”   
  
“You asked me to, so what do you expect?” He jokes but there is no smile in response.    
  
“I… I don’t remember that” 

“To be fair, we could raise the Beatles from the dead and you wouldn’t remember at this point” He shakes his head when all he gets is a confused frown, “Go back to sleep” This time, he does. 


End file.
